I bet you I have the Crappiest Car in Canada

I am willing to bet you money that I have the crappiest car in Canada.

And if you think you can top it, send me photos or video to prove it.

If you can convince me and a panel of esteemed judges (the readers of this website) that your car is crappier than mine, I’ll pick up the tab on $100 dinner anywhere in Canada - I’ll get you a gift certificate or just send you the money or whatever. I’ll post all the entries on this blog, which will make for some pretty interesting posts!

Why am I doing this? Two reasons: 1) I think it would be kind of cool to have the crappiest car in all of Canada and, (2) I’m one of the final contestants to win a brand new Nissan Cube car and I figure this would be a great way to pick up the sympathy vote (if you already feel sorry for me, you can go here and vote for me).

So here goes.

This is my 1984 Volkswagen Rabbit with 318,789 kilometres on the odometer. I actually really like it, it’s very cheap on gas, passes air quality inspections with ease and works great, except of course for the non-existent parking brake, torn seats and lack of door handles. My wife and children (and some of the neighbors) mockingly gave it the name “speed.”

Here’s some of its many features that I believe give it the deserving title of the Crappiest Car in Canada.

No door handle. When the handle first fell off, I didn’t know how to open my car and then one of the neighborhood kids figured out that you can reach into the hole and open it by pulling up some lever in there.

Shot gun rust. I call it “shot gun” rust because it looks like someone shot it about 20 years ago and now the holes are all rusty.

No stereo and trashed dash. The radio got ripped out of the dashboard when I left it at the King George Skytrain station overnight (SHOCKER!). Now the little heat/cold fan keeps falling in behind the dash and I have to fish it out with a coat hangar.

Ironic bumper stickers. Some previous owner slapped an “Easy Does it Sticker” on the right side of the back end. “Easy Does It” is often used as a slogan for recovering alcoholics (you’ll see the irony in this in the next photo).

Counter Attack anti-drinking and driving sticker on the left side of the back end. It’s either ironic or strangely consistent with the “Easy Does It” sticker.

Oh and by the way, that is MOSS growing around the Rabbit logo. As hard as I pressure wash it, it won’t come off. And don’t forget the lovely broken headlight.

Here’s another moss shot.

And finally the hanging interior. On a regular basis I have to staple the cloth on the ceiling of the car back in place or it droops down and hits your head.

So there you go. Beat that Canada!

Send along your proof that your car is crappier than mine. Or pass this on to a friend if you think their car is crappier (heh). The only thing that I ask is that it actually be insured and on the road to bar anyone from just sending along a photo of a car that’s sat on their front lawn for the last 20 years.

And please don’t forget to vote for (you can vote once a day) in the Nissan Hyper Cube contest.